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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23658226">Cursed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProsperDemeter/pseuds/ProsperDemeter'>ProsperDemeter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 23:15:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,827</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23658226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProsperDemeter/pseuds/ProsperDemeter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you was a curse. A dark blight on Peter's conscience. Never to pass through his lips ever again because it struck down whoever heard it."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark, Wanda Maximoff &amp; Peter Parker &amp; Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Cursed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't even know what this is.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> "I could love you so I don't know why </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I'm holding back now when everything's right </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Take my hand, darling, look in my eyes </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Don't wanna close…" </em>
</p><p>Harley Keener was perfection. It was in the way he walked, with a sass that seeped into confidence. In the way spoke, slow and sure and sweet. In the crooked smile and mischievous glitter of blue eyes over a beaker. It was in the pressure of lips against his own and hips on hips and the way he said <em> I love you </em> and reassured in the next breath that <em> it's okay if you don't feel the same </em>when it was so very much not. </p><p>It had been on the tip of his tongue, begging to be said but when he looked at earnest blue they seemed to evaporate into gusts of vapor. </p><p>He stared down villains almost daily, had hung up on Nick Fury, and lied to the entire world every single second. But he… <em> couldn't say it </em>. Somehow saying it was the most terrifying thing Peter had ever done. So, instead, he had leaned up, drew a hand down a bare chest and pulled Harley's lips back onto his own. </p><p>Once upon time it would have been so easy to say it. </p><p>Now it seemed almost like a jinx. </p>
<hr/><p>They met at Tony Stark's funeral over soggy ham and cheese sandwiches and smuggled alcohol from Pepper's locked liquor cabinet. It had been down by the crystalline lake that they had shared a flask, Peter wishing for the first time in his extensive sixteen years that he was a normal teenager that could actually get drunk. </p><p>They had laughed over stories, traded numbers and parted ways never to see each other again. </p><p>Peter had thought about making an effort. Had typed out a few texts every few weeks before erasing them and figuring, no. If he were meant to be with the tall, cute, southern boy then they would just have to meet somewhere that wasn't a funeral. </p><p>Then, well, shit happened. Quentin Beck, the skrulls, Goblin, and Ock. </p><p>Peter had said <em> I love you </em>to the exact number of people he had lost. Mom, dad, Ben. Then Mister Stark, once, May, Ned, Gwen and Harry. He had said it to MJ, once, but she had walked away not three months later, never having said them back herself.</p><p><em> I love you </em> was a curse. A dark blight on Peter's conscience. Never to pass through his lips ever again because it struck down whoever heard it. </p><p>But then….</p><p>Well, then college happened because he had promised May. A job at the Bugle to pay the bills, a trust fund that he had never asked for and enough blood on his hands to bathe in. Peter was happily anonymous as New York's Spider-Man, happy to play the hero when he knew he was much closer to the villain. </p><p>It was a coffee that brought them back together. A coffee, the last chocolate chip muffin, and a dropped beanie. "I know you," Harley had said with that crooked smile that made Peter's heart jump in his throat. Peter had been in the process of handing over Harley's black beanie, a paper cup full to the brim with espresso in his free hand and his chemistry book cradled on his arm. </p><p><em> No you don't, </em>was Peter's first thought but it was the wink that stopped him. "Of course. In my dreams." </p><p>It was so obscenely forward that Peter had laughed, caught off guard. "Nightmare, more like." </p><p>"Never, darlin'. Not with you in it." </p><p>He had let Harley talk him into sitting down after that. They had split the muffin Peter had bought for breakfast and Peter had been late for his English Composition class but hadn't been able to find it in him to care. </p><p>It had just… sort of happened from there. Peter let him in, slightly, as though through a peephole. Harley came over for dinner, spent the night a few times, asked about Peter's family. He had dressed up to go to May's grave, had brought flowers to lay between her and Ben.</p><p>Whereas Peter was slow to let him in, Harley was fast. Peter had found it impossible to drag his heels when Harley had brought him home to Tennessee. Had smiled his way through being told he was <em> much too skinny </em> and played video games with Abigail. He had bared his teeth at an old bully and threw popcorn in a movie theater. They had played with fireworks, caught light bugs, and Harley had talked him into fishing for exactly twenty minutes before the boat had capsized. </p><p>Harley seemed willing to take whatever Peter would give. Until six months later when post afterglow, breathing the same air in Peter's shitty apartment, bodies pressed together, when Harley said <em> I love you </em> and Peter had almost said it back. </p><p><em> I love you </em>. </p><p>A curse. </p><p>Not one that Peter was willing to give out again.  </p>
<hr/><p>He brought Harley coffee as way of apology, a wince on his face and his monthly budget five dollars less than it should have been. No matter, Peter would just skip a day on the metro. </p><p>Harley was found in the campus library, a pencil in his mouth and a book open in front of him as he tried to find an answer. He looked up when Peter cleared his throat just a little. He smiled. <em> I love you </em>. Peter didn't say it but he thought it. That wasn't part of the curse, was it? </p><p>"Hey, darlin'." </p><p>"Hi." Peter placed the coffee cup, gently on the desk. </p><p>"You're not supposed to bring drinks in here." Harley whispered before stealing a kiss and a sip from the cup. "Thanks for this, though, you didn't have to." </p><p>Peter shrugged in that way that could have either said <em> you're welcome </em> or <em> I did </em> and hoped Harley understood that it was both he was trying to say. "Mind if I join you?" </p><p>Harley kicked out the chair across from him. "Never." </p>
<hr/><p>Peter visited May and Ben every Thursday before patrol. Rain or shine he always sat on the grass in front of them, cleaned away the debris, and caught them up on his life. Only the good parts. Peter only ever told them the good parts. </p><p>Happy Hogan kept trying to call him, and Peter only answered once a month to ask after Happy's heart. <em> I love you, kid.</em> Happy had said it exactly once and, now, Peter hung up the phone before he could say it again. </p><p>Pepper Potts sent him emails. Had sent him a gift basket when his paper had been published and sent him every school picture of Morgan's. She had told him that he wasn't alone once. <em> We love you</em>, she had said. Peter had just smiled back and never went to the lake house again. </p><p>He wished it wasn't a curse. Wished he could shout it from the rooftop and say it over and over again until he ran out of voice. "We have lost so much," Wanda had told him over lunch on a Tuesday. They had met at a park where Peter could pack his own peanut butter and fluff sandwich and Wanda could pretend she wasn't spying on the dark haired boy with sad eyes and a static electricity through his fingers. </p><p>"And gained so little." It was like a toast, so they clinked water bottles and blinked at the sunlight. </p><p>Wanda chewed on her salad and toyed with her fork. "You are not cursed, Peter." </p><p>A lie if Peter had ever heard one. "And neither am I." But Wanda… who better knew Peter's pain than Wanda? She had lost her parents in Sakovia. Had lost her twin in battle, had lost Vision when Peter had lost Tony, and then had lost her children from there. </p><p>Peter swallowed past the sandwich that tried to force its way back up. Wanda wasn't looking at him, but at the boy as he pushed himself on the swing. At the mother that got out of an idling car before walking towards him. The mother dropped to her knees in front of him and grabbed at his chin, forcing his eyes up to hers. <em> Love.  </em></p><p>How could something so small cause so much pain? "At least we have this." Wanda pat his knee and smiled through the tears in her eyes. "At least we have them." </p>
<hr/><p>That led Peter to here. </p><p>To now. </p><p>To <em> you don't have to say it back </em>and a shitty apartment and a warm body lying next to his while rain pounded a rhythm against the windows. </p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>A curse. </p><p>Except Peter still felt it even if he couldn't say it. Still yearned for it and ached whenever he looked at Harley. Life wasn't meant to be lived alone. </p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>But to take that risk was selfish, wasn't it? It would put him in danger. Open him up to death in a way Harley wasn't already. </p><p>
  <em> I love you. </em>
</p><p>After May and cancer. After Ned and not being fast enough. After Gwen and the snap of her neck that he caused. After Harry and a sickness he couldn't heal fast enough. After Tony and a sacrifice and Ben and a gunshot. After it all… it was cruel to love again. </p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>"Hey," Harley's arm nudged his, his breath brushed against his cheek and his hand pushed away his haphazard curls. "Why are you crying?" </p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>Love was a curse. </p><p>But love was a blessing as well, wasn't it? </p><p>Wanda still loved, even after it all. Pepper still tried. Happy still called. </p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>"I don't want to hurt you." Peter said instead and hated himself just a little bit more while the words screamed in his head. </p><p>"Never." Harley searched his face and brushed a thumb under his eye. "You could never hurt me." </p><p>"I'm cursed." </p><p>"You've been given such a rough way of life." Harley kisses his eyelids when they fluttered shut. "You're not cursed." </p><p>
  <em> I love you.  </em>
</p><p>Everyone he had told it to had died.</p><p>Peter was the underlying factor. The missing link. The culprit. </p><p>"I love you." </p><p>Harley pulled away, sharp and abrupt. "Peter." His eyes searched Peter's, desperate to see validation that Peter couldn't give with his eyes squeezed shut. </p><p>"I'm sorry." Peter gasped. "I love you, I'm sorry." </p><p><em> I love you. I'm sorry </em>. </p><p>Weak. </p><p>"It's okay." Harley muttered into the hair atop his head. "I forgive you." </p><p>Forgiveness was a silly thing. </p><p>Forgiveness was a weight off his shoulders. It was easing into a mattress and letting someone else's weight press you down. </p><p>Forgiveness was saying <em> I love you </em> and losing the <em> I'm sorry </em> years later. </p><p>Forgiveness was dinner at the lake house and Morgan Stark's graduation. </p><p>Forgiveness was a wedding, a dog, and a curse, broken, on a shitty apartment floor. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Inspired by: You're the One for Me by Delta Rae. Give it a listen. </p><p>Kidos and comments make me cry, so please give me a reason to drink water tomorrow.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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